NFL Week 4 Picks

Last week in this column, I asked for the repeat 12-4 record in the picks. I almost got there, as we went 11-5 in Week 3. Let's not cry over spilled milk. The overall record is now 32-15 for the season.

We have seen the good (Ravens, Giants), the surprising (Jets, Broncos), and the ugly (Raiders, Chiefs). I have to make an entirely new category for the Browns and Rams. I think we will just call those two teams FUBAR. If you do not know what FUBAR means, just look it up, you will be in total agreement with yours truly.

Now, onto the picks:

Houston Texans 24, Oakland Raiders 10 - The Texans, with all that talent on offense, is disappointing to almost tears. Last week, Gary Kubiak should of been shot for taking out RB Steve Slaton for the goal line carries and inserting Chris Brown. Slaton was running rough-shot over the Jags. Boom, fumble, Jags ball, Texans lose. Let's see you try that maneuver again Einstein. In a shocking development, Jamarcus Russell will complete 45% of his passes this game, but its not enough. Why am I not surprised?

Tennessee Titans 20, Jacksonville Jaguars 9 - The Titans are the best 0-3 football I have seen in a long time. RB Chris Johnson is worth the price of admission, tune in your TV to watch this talent. Oh, thats right, this game will probably be blacked out. Maybe Jack Del Rio and David Gerrard should be worried about filling out that stadium than a petty radio show.

Baltimore Ravens 27, New England Patriots 20 - Tough to pick against the Pats at home, especially after how good they looked last week against the Falcons. I just think the Ravens are on a mission, and they will go after Tom Brady. No middle finger 4th quarter bombs for Joe Flacco in this game.

Cincinnati Bengals 31, Cleveland Browns 9 - The Bengals are pretty good. The Browns are Fubar. Eric Mangini just fined me for saying that.

New York Giants 34, Kansas City Chiefs 10 - Even SI.com's Peter King looked at the Vegas Line of this game and said they messed up. Remember Mike Tyson's Punchout for Nintendo? Well, the Chiefs are Glass Joe, the awful mess you fight initially. Well, the Chiefs are not fighting Little Mac, they are fighting Super Macho Man. Hide the children from this massacre.

Sidenote: How funny is the resemblance of Glass Joe, to Owen Wilson? Great call by Danjewish. Read the Casting Call for Mike Tyson's Punchout. It is a riot.

Chicago Bears 23, Detroit Lions 20 - I really wanted to have the stones to call this upset, but I finally see Matt Forte going for 100 and 2 TD's. The Lions can move the ball this season. Matthew Stafford is going to be all right.

By the way, Calvin Johnson's nickname of Megatron is definitely top 5 in sports. I can only think of Pablo Sandoval's Kung Fu Panda and Kobe Bryant being The Black Mamba that top it.

Washington Redskins 21, Tampa Bay Bucs 10 - The Bucs are about three weeks away from being fubar as well. They get a pass because at least the Bucs have a plan. Well, I dunno what it is, but I am sure they do have one. If the Redskins lose this game, Jim Zorn should just pack his bags and walk into the sunset. By the way, Ground Control to Clinton Portis, are you alive?

Indianapolis Colts 27, Seattle Seahawks 20 - For some strange reason, I do not think the Colts are going to run the Hawks out of the stadium. Seattle showed me a lot of grit in that loss to the Bears last week. If you are still alive in a Knock Out Pool, take the Giants, be very weary of this one. Of course, I am not going to pick against Peyton Manning at home though.

New Orleans Saints 23, New York Jets 16 - I originally had the Jets winning this in an upset, but then the news broke wind that CB's Lito Sheppard and Donald Strickland are out for the game. Down your 2nd and 3rd CB's against Drew Brees is not a good combination.

Buffalo Bills 16, Miami Dolphins 13 - I rather watch paint dry off my walls than sit down and watch this game for three hours. Trent Edwards is horrible. I hope the media finally stops giving excuses for this victim. Miami is breaking in a new QB. Yawwwwwwwwwwwwn!

San Francisco 49ers 23, St. Louis Rams 13- Tough kick to the chops for the 49ers last week, but they proved to everyone that they are legit. No Frank Gore, no problem, you are playing a team that has not won since Napoleon was a cadet. I feel bad for Steven Jackson. He will probably see nine-man fronts all day.

Dallas Cowboys 24, Denver Broncos 16 - Ok Denver and Mini-Belichick, prove it to me against a decent team. I do not think Kyle Orton plays a mistake-free game this time. Demarcus Ware finally gets his first sack of the season.

Pittsburgh Steelers 19, San Diego Chargers 10 - The Bolts OLine is too banged up for this Steeler pass rush to not salivate. The Steelers should feel desperation right now, and they will come through. They hold the fort and Troy Polamalu is close to returning.

Monday Night game will come in the Weekend Wrap Up article on Monday morning, along with the belated NHL Season Preview.