NBA Preview and Predictions

This is the best time of year for sports. World Series is about to crack, the NFL is in mid-season form, and the NHL roared out of the gate. Now to top it off, we get basketball finally. The NBA is back my friends.

With some new faces in new places, and most of the league either waiting for the Free Agent Class of 2010 or are hemmroging money, it would not be a surprise if we see a chalk NBA playoffs, with little or no surprises.

The usual suspects will be in it. The Cavs, Celtics, Magic, Spurs, and of course, the defending champs LA Lakers. Will anyone else come up to rise? Can the Blazers take the next step? The Bulls perhaps?

Like my opening post on this blog, I am going to write what I think will happen in the NBA this season. 82 predictions, for the 82 game season.

1. Shaq will kill the Cleveland Cavs. He looks like he just eaten an 8 year old child, and will command the ball out of Lebron's hands. This will not be pretty. Trust me.

2. Richard Jefferson was the best addition to any team this season for the Spurs.

3. The Over/Under on how many times Stan Van Gundy dogs Vince Carter about his defense in the media this season is set at 8.5.

4. This '09 rookie crop is better than Jay Bilas, and all the lackies at ESPN predicted they would be.

5. When the Nets are offically bought, they will be renamed the Little Odessa Nets.

6. There will be at least one game this season that the Mavs Josh Howard is not on the injury list, eventhough he is made of brittle.

7. Lamar Odom makes the All Star Team this season, just so everyone see the Kardashian's hanging around All Star Weekend.

8. The Lakers sometime this season, will miss Trevor Ariza, and badly.

9. Rajon Rondo before the end of the season, has a monster game, looks into the stands, finds Danny Ainge, and gives him the middle finger.

10. The Utah Jazz get more and more excited with every Knicks loss for that lottery pick they thieved from them more than five years ago.

11. Chris Bosh is crossing off the days on his calendar until he can leave Canada, which Robin Williams once said, "Is a loft apartment, under a really good party."

12. Memphis Grizzles rookie Hasheem Thabeet breaks Shawn Bradley's single season record of getting posterized by absurd dunks that makes Stephon Marbury cringe again.

13. Speaking of the Grizzles, WWE Monday Night Raw by season's end will have a 3 way matchup for the rights of the bulk of the Grizzles shots, pitting Zach Randolph, Allen Iverson, and eventual winner OJ Mayo, when Mayo decks Iverson with a chairshot.

14. The biggest names to be traded at the deadline will not be Chris Bosh, but Rudy Gay and David Lee. Gay will be dealt for a protected 2024 pick, cash, and the rights to some stiff in Europe. The league finally burns Chris Wallace at the cross.

15. Lee is dealt at midseason to a team that has no shot at the Bigs in the offseason, but could sign Lee longterm (Oklahoma City??). The catch is that the Knicks make them take Jared Jeffries in the deal, and the Knicks finally get the cap space for 2 bigtime free agents.

16. Spurs rookie Dejuan Blair goes into an Eff-You mode this league has not seen from a rookie since Gilbert Arenas in a Golden St. uniform, for being overlooked in Round 1.

17. Greg Oden dunks on an opposing Center, and when he sees a camera, screams out "YOU WANT SOPHISTICATED!!!! I GOT SOPHISTICATED!!!!"

18. Dirk Nowitzki finally just legally changes his last name to Diggler.

19. Kings bench player Donte Greene acutally passes up a shot and passes the ball. (If Greene had the ball, and you put the Great Wall of China around him, he would still try to shoot over it.)

20. Thunder rookie Center BJ Mullens offically becomes the most goofy non-Euro white guy on a basketball court since Greg Ostertag.

21. Someone finally goes Kermit Washington on Sasha Vujacic, and hits him with the 2nd best punch this year behind Oregon RB LeGarrette Blount.

22. Bucks rookie PG Brandon Jennings leaves the court when the Bucks are down in a game by 24, only to come back and make a big stink about it when the Bucks make a run and close to within 7.

23. Tyler Hansbrough is bleeding in some way, shape or form in at least 1/10th of the games he plays in.

24. The most insane dunk this year will be GS Warriors freak Anthony Randolph putting one into Thabeet's gullet. Reminds all of us of Shawn Kemp on Chris Gatling.

25. David Stern finally puts a "hit" out on someone.

26. Eddy Curry plays, go on a court next to Shaq, and looks like hes actually in shape.

27. The Golden St. Warriors score 140 points in a regulation game..... and lose.

28. Brandon Roy starts on his path of being the next decade's verison of Paul Pierce.

29. Dwight Howard grabs 30 rebounds in a game.

30. Chris Paul dishes out 32 assists in a game, and breaks Scott Skiles record.

31. Minnesota GM David Khan starts calling up teams about the value Ricky Rubio would get him in a trade. All the GM's respond in the same manner. "We will call back in three years, when you will pay us to take him."

32. We will realize that Nets rookie Terrence Williams is the bastard child of Denis Rodman and Ron Artest. Defense, rebounding, grit, tattoos, Dora the Explorer backpacks, and a possible Bizarro mind that could cause some fun riots in the NBA.

33. Someone in the media will have the minerals to finally blast Magic Johnson, in writing or on the air, for basically sticking a knife in Isiah Thomas's back.

34. The Indiana Pacers run and gun style becomes the next fun team to watch and becomes auto-Tivo material.

35. Luke Walton finally bags one too many easy celebrities, and catches a STD from Lindey Lohan.

36. The Knicks Danilo Gallinari finally finds Little Italy in Manhattan, gains 30 pounds, and becomes a real offensive force in the NBA. Both inside and out.

37. Gilbert Arenas has an "I'm back" season, and makes the Eastern Conference All- Star Team.

38. Andre Kirilenko is traded to the Nets...... just for irony sake.

39. Mark Cuban amasses over a half a million in fines this season, most of it on abusing the refs like Joe Pesci abused Spider in Goodfellas.

40. Someone will try and shoot Pau Gasol around Thanksgiving, mistakingly thinking he is the tallest turkey in the world.

41. The city of Seattle cries more and more about how they were basically pissed on by David Stern watching the youth blossom in Oklahoma City. Rightfully so as well.

42. We will see Kevin Garnett look like a serial killer at least a dozen times on the basketball court, but his detatched knees will be in the 6th row.

43. Kevin Durant wins the scoring title over Dwayne Wade and Amare Stoudamire in contract years.

44. The Clippers make the playoffs, and become the team no one wants to mess with because they playing with house money.

45. Yao Ming is out for the season, so he does more than one hysterical commerical, hopefully involving live seafood again.

46. Rajon Rondo wins Defensive Player of the Year.

47. Steve Nash snaps during a 6 game losing streak and finally admits to the press how much of a plague Shaq was for the 1.5 seasons in the land of the sun. ESPN jumps all over it like the whores that they are. Consisting of 32% of their coverage.

48. Michael Jordan loses the Over bet in total wins for the Bobcats this season he made in Vegas.

49. We see more Gary Payton on TNT coverage. Kenny Smith looks to hide in a corner.

50. Speaking of TNT, a player finally verbally abuses Craig Sager for those awful suits he wears.

51. Stephon Curry will be a better rookie than Tyreke Evans at Point Guard.

52. Johnny Flynn will be better than both Curry and Evans.

53. Carmelo finally puts it all together and gives us a 26/9/5 season.

54. Danny Granger continues to be the biggest chucker in the NBA, but will never be hammered for it.

55. JR Smith starts getting tattoos on top of his tattoos.

56. Clippers Guard Eric Gordon averages 23 points a game, and becomes the NBA Most Improved Player.

57. The Sacromento Kings become so bad, they offer me a 10 day contract.

58. Carlos Boozer tries to do too much in a lame-duck contract season with the Jazz, gets benched for Paul Milsap and kills his chances are a Max Deal in the offseason.

59. Even Nate Robinson dunks on Thabeet.

60. Michael Beasley stays out of rehab, and has a solid Sophomore season.

61. David West is finally exposed as an overchiever that cannot defend, and becomes overrated.

62. Blake Griffin comes back and goes for 16 points and 9 boards a game, but does not win the Rookie of the Year.....

63. Because Johnny Flynn of the TWolves wins it by going 19 points and 7 dimes.

64. The Atlanta Hawks as a whole will want to kill Jamal Crawford by game 27.

65. Derrick Rose causes another Guard this season to tear their ACL from a crossover.

66. Between Garnett, Doc Rivers, and Rasheed Wallace, the Celtics lead the league in technical fouls.

67. The Pistons do not make the playoffs, and Joe Dumars finally gets killed over his personnel decisons.

68. The All-NBA Rookie Team is Griffin, Flynn, Curry, T Williams, and Blair.

69. The All NBA First Team will be Paul, Kobe, Lebron, Melo, and Howard.

70. Elton Brand will be eventually benched for Thaddeus Young.

71. The first coach to be fired, will be Mike Brown of the Cavs.

72. Nets C Robin Lopez will make the All Star Team.

73. Marv Alberts hairpiece is finally announced as a U.S. National Landmark.

74. The league MVP is Kobe Bryant, but Chris Paul puts up a historic season. 23/5/13/3 steals.

75. The Thunder threaten for a playoff spot, but just miss out...

76. As do the Pacers in the East.

77. The Cavs win their divison, but in utter chaos. Lebron carries the team to the 2nd round. Loses to the Magic, and bails on Cleveland to complete the worst 24 month stretch for a city in sports.

78. The East playoffs teams in order will be: Celtics, Magic, Cavs, Bulls, Hawks, Raptors, Wizards, Heat.

79. The West will be: Lakers, Spurs, Jazz, Mavs, Blazers, Nuggets, Hornets, and Clippers.

80. Celtics over Magic in the Eastern Conf. Finals

81. Spurs over Lakers in the West...

82. Spurs over Celtics in 7 games.

Enjoy the season.