Weekend Wrap-Up

I dragged my sick body out of bed long enough to vent on what I saw all weekend in sports. I may feel like a leper from Calcutta, but that did not stop me from watching about 75 different games this week. Direct TV is a gift from the Gods. I swear.

Let's start with the baseball playoffs...

The World Series begins this week, as the Yankees and Angels are ready for their showdown that has been destined since the All Star Break. No, that was not a typo, winner of this series wins it all. A National League team has a better shot at seeing Jesus than beating one of these teams.

ARod finally has the monkey off of his back. I will die of laughter if I hear another Yankee fan cry about how ARod does not hit in the clutch. He just won an entire series almost single handedly.

I dunno what was worse, Matt Holliday misjudging a flyball that hit him right in the bullseye, or Jonathan Paplebon going Chernobyl in Fenway yesterday. I have to admit, for the non-Cardinals and Red Sox fans, both were vividly entertaining.

The play Derek Jeter made last night late in the game, is the heads-up plays that legends are made out of. Fundemental baseball is such a lost science.

I will not even comment on the Phillies-Rockies. The game ended past my bedtime, and just watching that game made my sick carcass fetch another blanket.

Next, College Football...

LSU is such a fraud. How in the world was this team ranked 4th in the country? I know why. Two reasons. One, CBS needed to hype the prime-time game between LSU and Florida. Second, the polls are more rigged than an Albanian poker game or a Trotter's race. I will let you decide on that one.

I do not want to hear any "expert" state that Tim Tebow should remotely win the Heisman this season. Sorry, but under 200 yards passing, and just willing your team to victory is not enough. Tell me one good reason why Tebow should win the Heisman over Colt Mccoy, Jimmy Clausen, or Tony Pike?

Speaking of Mccoy, Texas is a boarderline fraud as well. Great teams are not trailing 17-14 in the 2nd half to the likes of Colorado in their own house. If Texas keeps on playing only one half in games, they will get clipped by Oklahoma.

The real great team is Alabama. Their defense is better than at least 10 NFL teams defenses. They have a solid OLine, with a rugged RB, and an All-World talent at WR.

They have everything, but a QB. The Mcelroy kid is a complete deer in headlights. I watched the Ole Miss game on Saturday. Mcelroy did not look off one receiver all game long. Do that against Florida, and they will beat the Tide by 10 like last SEC Championship.

From what I have been watching, the Title Game, should just be a rematch of the SEC Title game. Florida and Alabama are head and shoulders better than everyone else, including Texas.

Although, you know USC will somehow weasel their way into the Title Game. USC and Ohio St. are the two most overhyped programs in the nation. Sickening.

Finally, the sweet National Football League...

Best part of the NFL day? Not only did Josh Mcdaniels the pupil beat his teacher Bill Belichick, he left the grumpy nutjob, and the CBS cameras hanging for the postgame handshake. If you can, take a look at Belichick's face during it all. Priceless. Expect a cutthroat 2007 Pats like eff-you game the next time the Pats and Broncos play.

Gary Kubiak should be shot and buried for the awful playcalling and personnel changes. First and Goal, and you cannot punch it in? That is the second time this season Kubiak lost a game with his backup RB, Chris Brown getting pressure crunchtime carries. Texans should be 4-1.Just awful!

I bet Dre Bly showered and sprinted out of the locker room after losing the ball trying to showboat off an interception when the team is getting slamdanced on. I think it was the shovel, lawn darts, and bag of lye sitting right outside Mike Singletary's office.

Manning brothers 42, Tennessee Raiders 16

While mentioning the Raiders, can we finally call Jamarcus Russell an Offical Bust? He was the third best QB playing in the Raiders-Giants game. Yes, shellshocked David Carr is miles better than Russell, who reacts on the field like he smoked two ounces of weed by himself, on a streak of 72 hours without sleep.

The Browns-Bills game was by far, the worst game of this decade I have seen. I have never seen a team win when their QB was 2-17!!!! Derek Anderson went 2-17. STIFF ALERT!!! That is not a typo. After this game, Terrell Owens should be on Defcon 1.

Ok, we get it media. Brett Favre turned 40 years of age. Now, please stop mentioning every motion that diva makes before I feel compelled to Tom Cable one of you. I dunno what is more pathetic in this NFL season, media's crush on Favre, the Rams, or Tom Brady crying for shadow roughing the passer calls.

I am calling it right now. The Giants next week go into New Orleans and smack the Saints up physically. Giants win that game by at least 10 points. Eli Manning in a rare zone that is usually reserved for big bro.

I think Miles Austin and Roddy White had more receiving yards combined than the Cleveland Browns have had all season. We may need to look that one up.

Monday Night Football Prediction:

Jets get back Calvin Pace, who is their best pass rusher. Dolphins will try and run the ball, but the Jets defense is salavating to let Chad Henne air it out. Close, physical game. Do not expect alot of points.

Jets 20, Dolphins 10

(Apologies for no pictures or images on this post. Blogger is on the fritz, and did not even have the link up for me to have the option. Will be fixed for the future.)

NFL Week 4 Picks

Last week in this column, I asked for the repeat 12-4 record in the picks. I almost got there, as we went 11-5 in Week 3. Let's not cry over spilled milk. The overall record is now 32-15 for the season.

We have seen the good (Ravens, Giants), the surprising (Jets, Broncos), and the ugly (Raiders, Chiefs). I have to make an entirely new category for the Browns and Rams. I think we will just call those two teams FUBAR. If you do not know what FUBAR means, just look it up, you will be in total agreement with yours truly.

Now, onto the picks:

Houston Texans 24, Oakland Raiders 10 - The Texans, with all that talent on offense, is disappointing to almost tears. Last week, Gary Kubiak should of been shot for taking out RB Steve Slaton for the goal line carries and inserting Chris Brown. Slaton was running rough-shot over the Jags. Boom, fumble, Jags ball, Texans lose. Let's see you try that maneuver again Einstein. In a shocking development, Jamarcus Russell will complete 45% of his passes this game, but its not enough. Why am I not surprised?

Tennessee Titans 20, Jacksonville Jaguars 9 - The Titans are the best 0-3 football I have seen in a long time. RB Chris Johnson is worth the price of admission, tune in your TV to watch this talent. Oh, thats right, this game will probably be blacked out. Maybe Jack Del Rio and David Gerrard should be worried about filling out that stadium than a petty radio show.

Baltimore Ravens 27, New England Patriots 20 - Tough to pick against the Pats at home, especially after how good they looked last week against the Falcons. I just think the Ravens are on a mission, and they will go after Tom Brady. No middle finger 4th quarter bombs for Joe Flacco in this game.

Cincinnati Bengals 31, Cleveland Browns 9 - The Bengals are pretty good. The Browns are Fubar. Eric Mangini just fined me for saying that.

New York Giants 34, Kansas City Chiefs 10 - Even SI.com's Peter King looked at the Vegas Line of this game and said they messed up. Remember Mike Tyson's Punchout for Nintendo? Well, the Chiefs are Glass Joe, the awful mess you fight initially. Well, the Chiefs are not fighting Little Mac, they are fighting Super Macho Man. Hide the children from this massacre.

Sidenote: How funny is the resemblance of Glass Joe, to Owen Wilson? Great call by Danjewish. Read the Casting Call for Mike Tyson's Punchout. It is a riot.

Chicago Bears 23, Detroit Lions 20 - I really wanted to have the stones to call this upset, but I finally see Matt Forte going for 100 and 2 TD's. The Lions can move the ball this season. Matthew Stafford is going to be all right.

By the way, Calvin Johnson's nickname of Megatron is definitely top 5 in sports. I can only think of Pablo Sandoval's Kung Fu Panda and Kobe Bryant being The Black Mamba that top it.

Washington Redskins 21, Tampa Bay Bucs 10 - The Bucs are about three weeks away from being fubar as well. They get a pass because at least the Bucs have a plan. Well, I dunno what it is, but I am sure they do have one. If the Redskins lose this game, Jim Zorn should just pack his bags and walk into the sunset. By the way, Ground Control to Clinton Portis, are you alive?

Indianapolis Colts 27, Seattle Seahawks 20 - For some strange reason, I do not think the Colts are going to run the Hawks out of the stadium. Seattle showed me a lot of grit in that loss to the Bears last week. If you are still alive in a Knock Out Pool, take the Giants, be very weary of this one. Of course, I am not going to pick against Peyton Manning at home though.

New Orleans Saints 23, New York Jets 16 - I originally had the Jets winning this in an upset, but then the news broke wind that CB's Lito Sheppard and Donald Strickland are out for the game. Down your 2nd and 3rd CB's against Drew Brees is not a good combination.

Buffalo Bills 16, Miami Dolphins 13 - I rather watch paint dry off my walls than sit down and watch this game for three hours. Trent Edwards is horrible. I hope the media finally stops giving excuses for this victim. Miami is breaking in a new QB. Yawwwwwwwwwwwwn!

San Francisco 49ers 23, St. Louis Rams 13- Tough kick to the chops for the 49ers last week, but they proved to everyone that they are legit. No Frank Gore, no problem, you are playing a team that has not won since Napoleon was a cadet. I feel bad for Steven Jackson. He will probably see nine-man fronts all day.

Dallas Cowboys 24, Denver Broncos 16 - Ok Denver and Mini-Belichick, prove it to me against a decent team. I do not think Kyle Orton plays a mistake-free game this time. Demarcus Ware finally gets his first sack of the season.

Pittsburgh Steelers 19, San Diego Chargers 10 - The Bolts OLine is too banged up for this Steeler pass rush to not salivate. The Steelers should feel desperation right now, and they will come through. They hold the fort and Troy Polamalu is close to returning.

Monday Night game will come in the Weekend Wrap Up article on Monday morning, along with the belated NHL Season Preview.